So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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