hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
