i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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