Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
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Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
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We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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