What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
