you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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