Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I intend to get homeless drunk
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
