Apparently you make a good broom.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
