If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
