you would pick up someone in the library
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
