Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
