She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
