The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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