I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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