shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
