maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
