I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
