Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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