brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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