if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
