I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
