Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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