I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
