Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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