I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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