My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize