I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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