tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
