it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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