Who did Billy Mays play for?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
