having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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