; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
There's always time for handjobs
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Randomize
