But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
In America we eat man semen.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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