ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
