When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
