The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
