I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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