Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
