My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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