i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
