Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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