WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Randomize
