1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
How naked do you want me to be?
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