you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
