I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
