so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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