How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
