but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
