i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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