Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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