how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
