I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize