Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
