i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
