The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
