i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
