i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
