Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
How does it feel to date your dad?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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