would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
