Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
