If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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