he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
