all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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