Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize