At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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