im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
