Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I wanna bring you to show and tell
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
