All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
