And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
