i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
