I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
