Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
