i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
