drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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