you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
