pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
