Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
