Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
